Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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