it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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