I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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