if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
