Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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