The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
