I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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