Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
