i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
