$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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