4 words: hood of his car
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
