Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
