so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
