When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
