he thought i was a dude.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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