The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
