Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
