I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
