i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
