the day after is always just damage control
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
