May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
