Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
