ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
