My underwear smells like fireworks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
