this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
