Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
