Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
