So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
