your thong is hanging out like whoa
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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