the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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