So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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