if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
