No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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