She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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