I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
