he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
