I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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