He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
