he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
