Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
