i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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