Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
