You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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