id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
