dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize