Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
