I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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