i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The power of my boobs compel you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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