he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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