It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize