Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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