You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
