I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
