Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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