Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
