I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
