I wish I could punch you in the face.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Michael Bay diarrhea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
