my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
