So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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