just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
