I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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