wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
