just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
