I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
