I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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