not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
