I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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