a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
