Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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