Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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