Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
