You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
