Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
