Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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