my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
