One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
