I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
