I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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