i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
