Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
