Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
ttyl tear gas
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
