Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
